Struggling with the Christmas Tree
Be it far from me to undervalue the achievements of feminism, but as a single woman, I think trimming the edges off the Christmas tree to try and fit it into the stand should be a man’s work. But since my first feeble attempts with the tree trunk, a carving knife, and expert help from another very able female friend, I’ve managed to erect some Christmas trees that lasted through the holidays.
At first, I was miserable. I invited my family to mine for a rudimentary pre-Christmas dinner (my cooking skills were only slightly better than my tree timming at the time). The whole place was spotlessly clean, the lingering scent of mulled wine and apple pie created a proper festive atmosphere, all I need was to erect and decorate the tree. As an independent young woman, I didn’t ask for help. After all, I had a massive carving knife, a pair of woolly gloves and all the determination in the world. After two hours of useless cutting and chopping (and permanently marking my parquet floor), I needed a break. So I had a glass of hot wine with a friend who offered to have a go in the knife vs tree tournament. As she is highly sophisticated but not in carpentry, she gave me an idea of how miserable I looked (and felt it too) and how hopeless this whole undertaking was. But determination (and about 5 extra hours of chopping and cutting) triumphed in the end. It literally took my blood sweat and tears, but what’s all that for a perfectly placed Christmas tree?
Here are my tips for beginner Christmas tree trimmers. First of all, buy a tree with a tiny trunk. Thus you won’t have to trim it at all. Or, get the people you buy the tree from to put the stand on the tree. Or get a man to deal with it all. Or get a planted tree in a pot. Or a plastic tree. Or build a tree using branches. Whatever you do, don’t sweat it. Erecting a Christmas tree can be fun, unless you use a carving knife.